MuiNe市場糗行記
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鑽進鬧烘烘的MuiNe市場(Cho Mui Ne),逼仄擁擠的通道,木材架起的攤位。踩在略帶潮濕的泥土地上,一縷陽光從遮陽帆布間的縫隙照進來,灑落在移動的越南婦人的斗笠上。
市場裡的攤位沒有經過統一規劃,高低錯落。
魚販直接坐在地上的小板凳上,秤、砧板、輔助切魚的木棍、擺放海產的竹編陳列架就簡單的放在地上,她專注得現場宰殺魚蝦。一些攤商架起了木製低台,離地一尺高,賣蔬果,也有賣小吃的。還有一些跟我們常看見的市場攤位一樣,半身高,顧客可以站著選購。越南人跟柬埔寨人一樣,即使販售的平台拉高了,他們還是習慣直接坐在高台上,吆喝、叫賣、分切肉品、討價還價。
搞笑短劇常用到一個橋段:播報新聞的電視主播,光鮮亮麗的坐在播報台前,在觀眾看不見的台下,卻穿著與上半身名牌西裝完全不搭嘎的海灘短褲和拖鞋。我們嘲諷,是因為相信在冠冕堂皇的報導身後有更多被選擇而不被公開的真相。我看著高台上,就放在砧板旁、被分切好的豬肉前,攤商那一雙赤裸裸的腳丫子,這種販售的姿態和肢體語言,讓我感到一種赤裸裸的真誠,沒有距離,毫不保留。
繼續往前走,一個戴著斗笠的婦人經過我身旁,拉了一下我的手肘,用越南話在我耳邊低語。我聽不懂她說什麼,只能微笑示意。
又走了一會,一手提著一隻活雞的婦人,又拉住我說了一串越南話。我面露疑惑,她指了指我褲子後方才轉身離去。是小紅偷跑出來了嗎?就算是好了,反正人都是往前走,身後看不到的一點污痕又何需介意,我繼續往裡逛。
逛到市場一隅的蔬菜攤,生意非常好。連著好幾攤都被戴著斗笠的婦人包圍選購,我喜歡這樣的畫面,這是只有越南特有的人文風情。當我正拍照拍得高興時,又一個婦人過來跟我比手劃腳,雖然依舊聽不懂,但是從她激動的神情,我想她真的很認真想要讓我瞭解她所想要傳達的。我決定找個不引人注意的地方,研究看看我的褲子到底怎麼了。
不遠處有一個雜物堆,我鑽到雜物堆後,把小相機伸到身後自拍了一張。第一張失敗,第二張成功了。原來不是小紅作怪,而是我新買的褲子
裂。開。了。
屁股的正中央,露出了白白的內褲。
我很仔細得端詳螢幕,站在我身後可看到白色部分的長度也大概就是五、六公分,這很嚴重嗎?只是一件有著直條紋裝飾的褲子。就算很明顯是裂開好了,我也不是沒有買過洞洞裝的衣服,反正裡面又不是沒穿,應該還好吧。我是這樣想的。
離我站的地方不遠,有一處水井,水井旁有一小塊空地,空地旁有一個鴨子攤。每一隻鴨子的雙腳都被綁了起來,無法行動自如。數十隻鴨子癱坐於地,呱呱呱叫個不停。我盯著那些鴨子,明明就受制於人,為什麼嘴角看起來都好像在笑?
離開水井,又鑽進狹窄的市場巷道內。走沒多久,一個戴著斗笠的婦人緊靠過來,我下意識地用手壓住斜背在胸前、沒有拉鍊的小背袋上方。兩個、三個、四個、五個,突然間我前後左右被人團團圍住,她們一邊發出咒語式的呢喃,一邊分工合作,有人用力拉長我的上衣,有人試圖拉低我褲子反折的布料。在重重斗笠山的包圍之下,聽不懂的越南語就像是舞台上瀰漫升起的乾冰,我是眾星拱月的超級巨星,在一首歌終了的緊湊轉場過程中,舞群將我團團圍住,在觀眾看得到卻看不清的舞台上,我即將變換成另一種形象,重新出現在眾人面前。
還沒從幻想中清醒,路旁的小店裡伸出一隻手把我拉過去,是一個年輕婦人。她把我轉了一圈,發現我上衣不夠長,背袋沒有拉鍊又不能放到身後,幫我想到了一個很有創意的點子:她建議我到廁所裡,把褲子顛倒過來穿。也就是裂開的地方變成前面,這樣我就可以用背袋遮住那個破洞。我再三道謝才離去,但其實我根本不知道她剛剛跟我說的廁所到底在哪裡。
穿著破褲子的我,繼續在市場裡遊蕩。找不到地方可以換裝,但也許可以買件衣服,甚至一條毛巾也好把那個洞遮起來。雖然對於褲子裂開這件事情,我不是很有羞恥心,但是看起來那個破洞真的讓當地人相當困擾,還是從善如流的好。
在找到合適的遮羞布前,我自己又想到了一個絕妙的解決辦法。
我有一頂遮陽帽。
我的遮陽帽有繩子可以繫在脖子上。
所以,我把帽子戴在屁股上。
問題解決了。
哈哈哈。
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老闆看起來面無表情,很酷的樣子。但是是她遠遠就揮手叫我過來拍照,還拿沒有處理的椰子殼給我看,然後現場弄成粉狀。是熱愛教學的好老師。
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